Just a few thoughts:

Our lives have changed dramatically in this past month, which has caused some serious reflection on my part...here are some bit's and pieces...

What do we do when the "going gets tough?" We pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, grin and bear it, get a stiff upper lip, count our many blessings, and DEAL WITH IT! After all; allowing ourselves to wallow in self pity would serve no purpose at all! On the contrary; we "pep talk" our way through life's challenges in order to make it through.

Now that the "burden" is lifted and we have something much better to compare it to, we see the reality of our former situation from a clearer perspective. It's as if I am finally "allowing" myself to acknowledge how totally depressing, defeating, hopeless, negative, and frustrating our work situation has actually been. Since Vern and I worked together in the same negative environment and because it was a family business, the anger, resentment, frustration, and general negativity overflowed from our work into our marriage and home. We never really fought against each other, but the situation was like a poison that affected each of us individually. I have described it as "sandpaper to my soul." I also spent quite a bit of emotional energy trying to counterbalance the effects of the "poison" - I was afraid that if I allowed the negativity to take root it would take us over completely. I also avoided "venting" my own feelings and frustrations for the very same reason.

Over the past 2-3 years, Vern and I have been very frustrated with our inability to maintain harmony and happiness in our home. We had come to the conclusion that we are "weak;" that something must be wrong with us! We have been upset with our individual selves and with each other for not being able to do more, be more patient, work harder, be happier, etc.

This morning, I had a neat little revelation; a "light bulb moment" of sorts. It suddenly dawned on me that we haven't been weak; we have actually been incredibly STRONG! The more I have allowed myself to relax and to refrain from the tiring task of convincing myself (and Vern) that things aren't that bad, we should be grateful, etc. - the more I understand what we have endured. Viewing our life from this perspective, I am amazed at what we have been able to accomplish and how much we have grown. Though this incredible growth has not been especially comfortable, we are better as individuals, as a couple, and as a family because of it.

I am very thankful for the years we had working at Big Sky. I am very grateful that we got to work together for so many years. Working at Big Sky afforded us many opportunities and priveleges that we would never have had working elsewhere. Unfortunately, the financial situation at Big Sky, along with the retirement of my father, brought an end to the "fringe" benefits and the cooperative working conditions we enjoyed. The job I once loved became dreary and depressing. Vern felt that no matter what he did or how much he did, it was never enough or good enough. The tension and - at times - animosity between my brother and us was unbearable. Big Sky had outlived it's usefulness.

Now Vern and I are both very excited about our new jobs. Hopelessness and frustration have been replaced with excitement, hope, happiness, and a new-found motivation and desire to progress and succeed. We both feel a huge sense of relief and the stress is gone.

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us; it is really inspiring and comforting to be able to look back and have a greater understanding of why things happen the way they do and to have a glimpse of how He works miracles - big and small - in our lives.